Wish that my mum am a vampire. A bloodsucker. I wouldn't have to see her die before me. Forever we shall be together, with my mum, with my family. I know, it's impossible. The thought of her, there, still and not moving, send creeps into my heart. I was still for every moment when i thought of her, eyes closed and not even moving an inch.
I don't want my mum to die. I wanted every moment with her. Till the end. She said to have me take good and great care of myself when she goes.. to another world. I said to die together. Don't like the thought of her leaving me at all. Yet she said to me, to live, cos i've got a long way to go. But i can't live without her. I don't want anything to happen to her. Who can give her eternity? No one. My every moment now, is filled with the worry of being alone, without her. Without my dearest mum, who supports me in everything i do. Who gives her everything to me. Regret filled my heart. I don't want to lose her.
I'm selfish, i wanna keep her for myself. I know, impossible. At least, let her live another 40 years. She'll be able to see ,me getting married happily. Give her the chance to hold a grandson in her arms. That's all i wish for. Even if it'll cost me my life. I'm willing to give my life up for her. Just don't take her away from me. I just want her to be happy.
I'm so useless. I only know how to cry. I promise to make my mum happy from now on. I swear. Not to let her worry again. Please...
The thought of death hit me more naturally than any other thoughts. My mind if filled with different methods of dying. Getting into accidents often struck me whenever I'm on the road. It was probably the easiest way to die. Often, I hope that the cars would just crash onto me and let me fly. Let me fall into the darkness, and never wake.
Crying is the only thing I could have done now. But I'd to keep it in the dark. I no longer cry in bed. Often, I'll soak myself under the running tap. The sound of the water splashing onto the ground could keep my hysterics from being heard outside. The last person whom I'd let, to see my tears flowing down my cheek, would be my mum. I'd to try my very best, to keep her from worrying about me. She already had had enough. Nothing more for her from me.
Everything around me looks fake. Nothing's real to being with anyway. The trees, the grass, the buildings, the road, the sky & the people. So fake. So unreal. Probably, this is reality. Cruel and cold.
Suddenly, I had the urge of becoming a vampire. The bloodsuckers. How nice it'll be, to have eternity. Time wont stop me from doing what I want to do. I'd have plenty of time. If only vampires exist. If only..
I ain't alright. Not even a little bit in the least alright.
Down the road of my life. I can see, nothing at all. It's pitch black. My life came crushing down thereafter.
I know I should be strong. I shouldn't make my parents worry. I know.. I just.. I just can't do it. How i wish that someone out there, my someone. Would appear right here, right now, at this very moment. To just let me fall on him, rely on him and heal my wounds.
Would you? Doubt anyone would ever like that position. It sounds more like a spare-tyre when I still haven't got over him. I don't want a Jacob. I just wanted Edward back. I've hurt two Jacobs. I don't want a third.
For 2009. This shall be my aims and wishes. 1. To never fall in love.. with anyone.. except him..& only him. 2. Devote myself to God. 3. & love my family more. 4. Everything from now on shall be for my family as top priority. 5. Get braces done. 6. Master languages : [6.1] Japanese [6.2] Korean [6.3] French 7. Set up my own SUCCESSFUL blogshop. 8. Get my weight down to 40 and maintain. 9. Remember him.
I'm up for 2009. Hope it'll go smoothly. Hope i wont feel the pain ever again. I don't wanna let people see me gasping for air, eyes filled with tears and looking down. No more. I don't like it that way. Please. I begged for months, yet i still can't let it go. I breath harder and harder whenever he knocks on my memory flashback. Awesome. You got me, breathless and in great pain. The reason he left me, i still remember. "I used to love you"
Will i ever find him again? Wheres my love. I need you.
I'm afraid of the check up tomorrow. The operation in the future. The side effects there after. Afraid of being alone. Afraid that, as time pass, his voice, his face and his everything would gradually fade and blur out in my life. I wish that he'll come back to me just like how Edward went back to Bella's side. But i know. Reality and Fiction books - fairytales, are totally different. Things that'll happen in fairytales would never happen in real. I know that very well. I just don't wish to wake up. I just don't wish to face these things alone. It's been so long since i last hear from him.
I walked home just now. I lost my ez-link card once again. I'll have to save my adult card fare for next time's usage. I dare not anyhow spend. Money am important to me now. The me now. Life's tough and it sucks. I hate the way my life is going now. Alone, quiet and falling. First, i get to know how much the operation cost, SGD900+. It was really a horrible piece of news. Afterwhich, i lost my ezlink card - I didnt manage to find it this morning, I came back for work in search of it but to no avail. My world's really crashing down, with no one to hold the sky for me. Then, i couldn't find the 3rd twilight series, Eclipse. I went to borders just now before i came back home. "No stock available" was what the customer associate said and it sent me down to hell. I'm currently at the last chapter of New Moon, I tried my very best to read as slow as i could so that i would be able to continue to Eclipse immediately when i'm done with the last word of NewMoon. But I wasn't able to grab hold of myself, I read nonstop until i realised that i'm in the last chapter just now when i'm only at the mid of the book this morning. Stupidity. Should've controlled myself. I cried and cried, kept closing the book whenever i start to cry, cos i know, if i were to continue reading, my eyes would be apple red and i'll become the next idiot to be - crying so badly over a book, who would've done that. I have to stop myself from crying cos i know the words would just send me pouring. I hope tomorrow i'll be able to get hold onto Eclipse so that I won't have to stop at the last chapter - i'm forcing myself already.
It was really good to have Edward back to Bella, but that will mean, Jacob's in deep sorrows. I don't know, I haven't finish the book. I could, but i can't. The agony in me, can you feel it?
The future's unpredictable, i hope God would make things smooth for me. Especially the check up tomorrow. I hope the doctor would say " You need not go throught any operation. You-are-s-a-f-e."
I'm tired. Goodnight and bye. I'm sorry if i've ever hurt you in a way or another. But still, I love him.
I miss him. I still miss him like how i used to. I don't know why either. All along, I've been trying hard to forget him, really hard. Yet, till now, it's been almost 3 months. I still haven't got over him. It felt like, I've lost him just yesterday. He's still clear in my mind. Tried getting a new relationship to get over him. It worked at first, but after some time, he came back by himself. It was known that, a new relationship can heal the old. But it doesn't seem so to me. I miss his laughters, his smiles and his gentle. I miss the old him. I wonder how he's doing now. Fine? Great?
The thought of another girl in his arms hurts. I dreamt of him recently, appearing in almost every dream of mine. His close contact with me. The time that belongs only to us and no one else. The time we spent in the house together. Our moment. Whenever he enters my thoughts, i can hardly breathe, i gasp for air. The pain starts to react. I hate these feelings. I've been trying hard. Really hard. Been working nonstop to forget about him. Yet he's still there, not willing to leave my memory and let me live in peace.
Pattinson was born in London, England. His mother, Clare, worked for a modeling agency, and his father, Richard, imported vintage cars from the U.S. He became involved in amateur theatre through the Barnes Theatre Company. After some backstage experience there, he took on acting roles. He caught the attention of an acting agent in a production of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and began looking for professional roles. Since then he has performed in an amateur version of Macbeth at the Old Sorting Office Arts Centre, as well as trying his hand at modeling. He began his modeling career when he was twelve years old, but it winded down only four years later. He has blamed his lack of work as a model on his masculine appearance. Pattinson explained in December of 2008, "When I first started I was quite tall and looked like a girl, so I got lots of jobs, because it was during that period where the androgynous look was cool. Then, I guess, I became too much of a guy, so I never got any more jobs. I had the most unsuccessful modeling career."
He had supporting roles in the made for television film Ring of the Nibelungs in 2004, and in director Mira Nair’s Vanity Fair, although his scenes in the latter were deleted, and only appear on the DVD version. In May 2005 he was slated to appear in the UK premiere of The Woman Before at the Royal Court Theatre, but was fired shortly before the opening night and was replaced by Tom Riley. Later that year he played Cedric Diggory in the film Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Consequently, he was named that year's British Star of Tomorrow by Times Online. He also has more than once been touted as the next Jude Law.
Pattinson appeared in the advertising campaign for Hackett's Autumn 2007 collection. Pattinson plays Edward Cullen in the movie Twilight, based on Stephenie Meyer's bestselling novel of the same name, which was released on November 21, 2008 in North America. According to TV Guide, Pattinson was initially apprehensive about auditioning for the role of Edward Cullen, fearful that he wouldn't be able to live up to the "perfection" expected from the character. He has lead roles in the the forthcoming feature films Little Ashes, in which he plays Salvador Dalí, How To Be, a British comedy, and the short film The Summer House. He is also set to reprise his role as Edward Cullen in the Twilight sequel, New Moon, with filming slated to begin in March 2009. He performed with his first girlfriend's current boyfriend's band called, "Bad Girls". Before he recorded anything, he "played in pubs and stuff". When asked about a professional music career he said "Music is my back-up plan if acting fails".[11] Pattinson appears as the writer and singer of two songs ("Never Think" and "Let Me Sign") on the Twilight soundtrack. Robert Thomas-Pattinson May 13, 1986 (1986-05-13) (age 22)
woooohooooo~ i'm back from long vacation! welcome me back! *claps claps* it's been so long since i've last updated, not long actually. like my new skin?
Went to Jason kor's house today. Da sao gave birth to a pair of twins! one boy, one girl. it's like a set! just one shot and you gave birth to two and you don't have to worry that your kid doesnt have accompanies, or shortage of girl/boy. Cos it came in a set, God bless them.
i found out from them that, having a child aint easy. financial wise. per month, it'll take around 5k per baby. imagine how hard you have to slog to let the baby survive. ever thought about your personal wellbeing? your expenses and daily necessities, food, transport and stuffs. oh my, it's gonna be a bomb. so no way am i having a child until my income am SUPER stable (: i've officially dropped the idea of having a baby at this age. probably in a few years time i think. definitely before i turn 28. i'll be way too old to give birth by then.
i've finished twilight. the first book and i'm on the second book - New Moon ! So excited. First day of reading and i'm already at chapter 3. I'm obssessed into this twilight series. Totally into it. I'm so engrossed! Really loved Edward. How i wish i had my Edward by my side too. It's really a ''hmmmmmmmmm'' It'll feel really really sweet to have a guy like that by my side. Fantasy, i'm a girl remember? Laughs.
Remember to catch twilight in cinemas or simply, read the book itself. Personally, i find the book more interesting than the movie. The movie am way too short-cut. The book is more detailed (: The book itself is thick but since the story is interesting, it wont take you long to complete a wordy book. I was smiling and laughing away at the book while i'm reading it. So it means its really great ! Get me? Haha. This is the first time, i've completed the book in such a short period AND wanting to continue the story until it ends! If you wanna buy the book, i suggest you buy the whole series together, twilight-NewMoon-Eclipse-RedDawn. Cos the stocks of the books just ran out all of a sudden. I had a hard time finding this New Moon. So if i've got a chance, i wont let the 3rd and 4th get away (: If you do see them, the 3rd and 4th, inform me where and when you saw it. I wanna get them!
Chinese New Year is coming! I've got myself a black jumper, a guess wallet, a pair of red heels and a red belt for this occasion. Bag wise, i don't know what to get. Still can't find a suitable one. Any suggestions?
It says goodnight for now. Goodbye, time for bed. (:
why am i always crying? who can really love me? show me the road to real, true love. why did the tears keep flowing. who can hold on to me, tightly. & never let go.
since i'm a fucked up bitch, u must have been a bastard then (: so stay away from me.
Wish that my mum am a vampire. A bloodsucker. I wouldn't have to see her die before me. Forever we shall be together, with my mum, with my family. I know, it's impossible. The thought of her, there, still and not moving, send creeps into my heart. I was still for every moment when i thought of her, eyes closed and not even moving an inch.
I don't want my mum to die. I wanted every moment with her. Till the end. She said to have me take good and great care of myself when she goes.. to another world. I said to die together. Don't like the thought of her leaving me at all. Yet she said to me, to live, cos i've got a long way to go. But i can't live without her. I don't want anything to happen to her. Who can give her eternity? No one. My every moment now, is filled with the worry of being alone, without her. Without my dearest mum, who supports me in everything i do. Who gives her everything to me. Regret filled my heart. I don't want to lose her.
I'm selfish, i wanna keep her for myself. I know, impossible. At least, let her live another 40 years. She'll be able to see ,me getting married happily. Give her the chance to hold a grandson in her arms. That's all i wish for. Even if it'll cost me my life. I'm willing to give my life up for her. Just don't take her away from me. I just want her to be happy.
I'm so useless. I only know how to cry. I promise to make my mum happy from now on. I swear. Not to let her worry again. Please...
The thought of death hit me more naturally than any other thoughts. My mind if filled with different methods of dying. Getting into accidents often struck me whenever I'm on the road. It was probably the easiest way to die. Often, I hope that the cars would just crash onto me and let me fly. Let me fall into the darkness, and never wake.
Crying is the only thing I could have done now. But I'd to keep it in the dark. I no longer cry in bed. Often, I'll soak myself under the running tap. The sound of the water splashing onto the ground could keep my hysterics from being heard outside. The last person whom I'd let, to see my tears flowing down my cheek, would be my mum. I'd to try my very best, to keep her from worrying about me. She already had had enough. Nothing more for her from me.
Everything around me looks fake. Nothing's real to being with anyway. The trees, the grass, the buildings, the road, the sky & the people. So fake. So unreal. Probably, this is reality. Cruel and cold.
Suddenly, I had the urge of becoming a vampire. The bloodsuckers. How nice it'll be, to have eternity. Time wont stop me from doing what I want to do. I'd have plenty of time. If only vampires exist. If only..
I ain't alright. Not even a little bit in the least alright.
Down the road of my life. I can see, nothing at all. It's pitch black. My life came crushing down thereafter.
I know I should be strong. I shouldn't make my parents worry. I know.. I just.. I just can't do it. How i wish that someone out there, my someone. Would appear right here, right now, at this very moment. To just let me fall on him, rely on him and heal my wounds.
Would you? Doubt anyone would ever like that position. It sounds more like a spare-tyre when I still haven't got over him. I don't want a Jacob. I just wanted Edward back. I've hurt two Jacobs. I don't want a third.
For 2009. This shall be my aims and wishes. 1. To never fall in love.. with anyone.. except him..& only him. 2. Devote myself to God. 3. & love my family more. 4. Everything from now on shall be for my family as top priority. 5. Get braces done. 6. Master languages : [6.1] Japanese [6.2] Korean [6.3] French 7. Set up my own SUCCESSFUL blogshop. 8. Get my weight down to 40 and maintain. 9. Remember him.
I'm up for 2009. Hope it'll go smoothly. Hope i wont feel the pain ever again. I don't wanna let people see me gasping for air, eyes filled with tears and looking down. No more. I don't like it that way. Please. I begged for months, yet i still can't let it go. I breath harder and harder whenever he knocks on my memory flashback. Awesome. You got me, breathless and in great pain. The reason he left me, i still remember. "I used to love you"
Will i ever find him again? Wheres my love. I need you.
I'm afraid of the check up tomorrow. The operation in the future. The side effects there after. Afraid of being alone. Afraid that, as time pass, his voice, his face and his everything would gradually fade and blur out in my life. I wish that he'll come back to me just like how Edward went back to Bella's side. But i know. Reality and Fiction books - fairytales, are totally different. Things that'll happen in fairytales would never happen in real. I know that very well. I just don't wish to wake up. I just don't wish to face these things alone. It's been so long since i last hear from him.
I walked home just now. I lost my ez-link card once again. I'll have to save my adult card fare for next time's usage. I dare not anyhow spend. Money am important to me now. The me now. Life's tough and it sucks. I hate the way my life is going now. Alone, quiet and falling. First, i get to know how much the operation cost, SGD900+. It was really a horrible piece of news. Afterwhich, i lost my ezlink card - I didnt manage to find it this morning, I came back for work in search of it but to no avail. My world's really crashing down, with no one to hold the sky for me. Then, i couldn't find the 3rd twilight series, Eclipse. I went to borders just now before i came back home. "No stock available" was what the customer associate said and it sent me down to hell. I'm currently at the last chapter of New Moon, I tried my very best to read as slow as i could so that i would be able to continue to Eclipse immediately when i'm done with the last word of NewMoon. But I wasn't able to grab hold of myself, I read nonstop until i realised that i'm in the last chapter just now when i'm only at the mid of the book this morning. Stupidity. Should've controlled myself. I cried and cried, kept closing the book whenever i start to cry, cos i know, if i were to continue reading, my eyes would be apple red and i'll become the next idiot to be - crying so badly over a book, who would've done that. I have to stop myself from crying cos i know the words would just send me pouring. I hope tomorrow i'll be able to get hold onto Eclipse so that I won't have to stop at the last chapter - i'm forcing myself already.
It was really good to have Edward back to Bella, but that will mean, Jacob's in deep sorrows. I don't know, I haven't finish the book. I could, but i can't. The agony in me, can you feel it?
The future's unpredictable, i hope God would make things smooth for me. Especially the check up tomorrow. I hope the doctor would say " You need not go throught any operation. You-are-s-a-f-e."
I'm tired. Goodnight and bye. I'm sorry if i've ever hurt you in a way or another. But still, I love him.
I miss him. I still miss him like how i used to. I don't know why either. All along, I've been trying hard to forget him, really hard. Yet, till now, it's been almost 3 months. I still haven't got over him. It felt like, I've lost him just yesterday. He's still clear in my mind. Tried getting a new relationship to get over him. It worked at first, but after some time, he came back by himself. It was known that, a new relationship can heal the old. But it doesn't seem so to me. I miss his laughters, his smiles and his gentle. I miss the old him. I wonder how he's doing now. Fine? Great?
The thought of another girl in his arms hurts. I dreamt of him recently, appearing in almost every dream of mine. His close contact with me. The time that belongs only to us and no one else. The time we spent in the house together. Our moment. Whenever he enters my thoughts, i can hardly breathe, i gasp for air. The pain starts to react. I hate these feelings. I've been trying hard. Really hard. Been working nonstop to forget about him. Yet he's still there, not willing to leave my memory and let me live in peace.
Pattinson was born in London, England. His mother, Clare, worked for a modeling agency, and his father, Richard, imported vintage cars from the U.S. He became involved in amateur theatre through the Barnes Theatre Company. After some backstage experience there, he took on acting roles. He caught the attention of an acting agent in a production of Tess of the D'Urbervilles, and began looking for professional roles. Since then he has performed in an amateur version of Macbeth at the Old Sorting Office Arts Centre, as well as trying his hand at modeling. He began his modeling career when he was twelve years old, but it winded down only four years later. He has blamed his lack of work as a model on his masculine appearance. Pattinson explained in December of 2008, "When I first started I was quite tall and looked like a girl, so I got lots of jobs, because it was during that period where the androgynous look was cool. Then, I guess, I became too much of a guy, so I never got any more jobs. I had the most unsuccessful modeling career."
He had supporting roles in the made for television film Ring of the Nibelungs in 2004, and in director Mira Nair’s Vanity Fair, although his scenes in the latter were deleted, and only appear on the DVD version. In May 2005 he was slated to appear in the UK premiere of The Woman Before at the Royal Court Theatre, but was fired shortly before the opening night and was replaced by Tom Riley. Later that year he played Cedric Diggory in the film Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Consequently, he was named that year's British Star of Tomorrow by Times Online. He also has more than once been touted as the next Jude Law.
Pattinson appeared in the advertising campaign for Hackett's Autumn 2007 collection. Pattinson plays Edward Cullen in the movie Twilight, based on Stephenie Meyer's bestselling novel of the same name, which was released on November 21, 2008 in North America. According to TV Guide, Pattinson was initially apprehensive about auditioning for the role of Edward Cullen, fearful that he wouldn't be able to live up to the "perfection" expected from the character. He has lead roles in the the forthcoming feature films Little Ashes, in which he plays Salvador Dalí, How To Be, a British comedy, and the short film The Summer House. He is also set to reprise his role as Edward Cullen in the Twilight sequel, New Moon, with filming slated to begin in March 2009. He performed with his first girlfriend's current boyfriend's band called, "Bad Girls". Before he recorded anything, he "played in pubs and stuff". When asked about a professional music career he said "Music is my back-up plan if acting fails".[11] Pattinson appears as the writer and singer of two songs ("Never Think" and "Let Me Sign") on the Twilight soundtrack. Robert Thomas-Pattinson May 13, 1986 (1986-05-13) (age 22)
woooohooooo~ i'm back from long vacation! welcome me back! *claps claps* it's been so long since i've last updated, not long actually. like my new skin?
Went to Jason kor's house today. Da sao gave birth to a pair of twins! one boy, one girl. it's like a set! just one shot and you gave birth to two and you don't have to worry that your kid doesnt have accompanies, or shortage of girl/boy. Cos it came in a set, God bless them.
i found out from them that, having a child aint easy. financial wise. per month, it'll take around 5k per baby. imagine how hard you have to slog to let the baby survive. ever thought about your personal wellbeing? your expenses and daily necessities, food, transport and stuffs. oh my, it's gonna be a bomb. so no way am i having a child until my income am SUPER stable (: i've officially dropped the idea of having a baby at this age. probably in a few years time i think. definitely before i turn 28. i'll be way too old to give birth by then.
i've finished twilight. the first book and i'm on the second book - New Moon ! So excited. First day of reading and i'm already at chapter 3. I'm obssessed into this twilight series. Totally into it. I'm so engrossed! Really loved Edward. How i wish i had my Edward by my side too. It's really a ''hmmmmmmmmm'' It'll feel really really sweet to have a guy like that by my side. Fantasy, i'm a girl remember? Laughs.
Remember to catch twilight in cinemas or simply, read the book itself. Personally, i find the book more interesting than the movie. The movie am way too short-cut. The book is more detailed (: The book itself is thick but since the story is interesting, it wont take you long to complete a wordy book. I was smiling and laughing away at the book while i'm reading it. So it means its really great ! Get me? Haha. This is the first time, i've completed the book in such a short period AND wanting to continue the story until it ends! If you wanna buy the book, i suggest you buy the whole series together, twilight-NewMoon-Eclipse-RedDawn. Cos the stocks of the books just ran out all of a sudden. I had a hard time finding this New Moon. So if i've got a chance, i wont let the 3rd and 4th get away (: If you do see them, the 3rd and 4th, inform me where and when you saw it. I wanna get them!
Chinese New Year is coming! I've got myself a black jumper, a guess wallet, a pair of red heels and a red belt for this occasion. Bag wise, i don't know what to get. Still can't find a suitable one. Any suggestions?
It says goodnight for now. Goodbye, time for bed. (:
why am i always crying? who can really love me? show me the road to real, true love. why did the tears keep flowing. who can hold on to me, tightly. & never let go.
since i'm a fucked up bitch, u must have been a bastard then (: so stay away from me.
eternity
'
JiaHuan